Differentiation

It should be obvious to us all, especially myself as a “barely-Gen-Z” that we shouldn’t use cellphones at every moment’s notice. Quite literally it may be drilled into your head daily for years now or at least the point where cellphone use became an absolute norm. Those far gone younger years where the newest technology was any old flip phone have turned to every other minute being spent on my phone. It’s a blatantly obvious problem I can recognize yet I never do anything about it. Somewhere I know in my subconscious there’s this despicable part of me that decided the best way to manage my anxiety was to put a screen between my face any anyone else’s. That part, that horrible, disgusting, ruining, worsening part that has gradually whittled my existence to the point where I’ve spent a few years now just fighting the thought.

Meanwhile, computers have always been in my life, and at this point will probably always be. While you can acknowledge that yes a laptop can cause just as many problems as a cell phone, if not more, there’s a lesser problem in my life. This lack of a major problem was once the only major one, but as time flowed inwards I steered clear of those behaviors to find my balance. I can far more easily access information, study my zodiac chart, or anything possible with ease and agility on this device, while I find myself blankly contorting my fingers in a balance battle with my phone. The laptop is just easier, extensively more powerful than the phone, and I always have one far too big to carry around forcing me to actually leave it alone for lengths of time.

They both follow similar ideas, functions etc. but honestly they serve entirely different roles in my existence. The phone is for communication and blanking the mind to a point where it’s about as effective as a plastic leaf, while the laptop serves it’s own proper entertainment and learning.

Without fail, they both lack one necessary fact, infinite interest and true fulfillment. In no regard do I mean that in some big, far overstated way, just an average sense that can help your days feel like days not momentary flashes of light. Around an hour previous to writing this I found myself sitting and eating nowhere near the inside of my dorm room, just watching the world around me and outside on the streets of Boston. I spent a few minutes sitting down at first, resisting the thought of putting my phone down and preferring the idea of mindlessly eating unobservant on my phone. Then it hit me. I put it in the exact terms, “mindlessly eating unobservant of whatever action may occur around me.” I was slightly sickened of myself for being at that point so in a swift movement I put on some soft, wordless music and put my phone face-down and looked up.

It was passively beautiful. I could just look around and I allowed myself proper time to think, time I hadn’t had in a good decade. I wasn’t awestruck, just calm and entirely in the moment, truly living in those minutes quite well disconnected from everything. Eventually I realized I should be getting back to my room, planning on doing something, ANYTHING. Upon my return I happened to notice several texts, all good, all positive, like a small reward for acknowledging the universe for once. Then I got on with writing this, and boy, does it feel good to actually be here again, just in time as Aries season really winds up right as mercury stations retrograde.

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